You’re Not Helping
“You’re not being helpful,
you’re not helping me at all,
you’re not doing me a favor,
Because your advice makes me fall.”
If your advice has got something to do with “dwelling” “moving on” and/or the very generic, “grief timeline” —— Your advice that you
are trying to give is
unneeded because you are not walking the same path as I am.
And the worst part is,
*I don’t want you to walk my path.*
Because it hurts like hell
and only the strong survive.
I wouldn’t wish this path on my worst enemy.
But yet here I am.
And since July is child loss awareness month I thought instead of talking about my son, Bo,
which I so LOVE to do.
I thought it would also be appropriate to mention to the people that think they know it all and
To the people that think they’re “helping”. To the people that think us parents that have suffered this tragedy have the ability to just “move on and get over it”. It is impossible. IMPOSSIBLE. Choose one of your children to live without. To never see again. To never hold. You can’t. It’s impossible, isnt it?
I don’t care if you are the world’s BEST therapist, counselor, or psychiatrist-
If you have not experienced the pain of watching your child take his last breath,
Or the agony of giving your child CPR and have it be unsuccessful.
If you have not had to fight traumatic images in your mind of that horrific day,
you don’t know what it’s like.
You don’t know what it’s like to wish for your child every single day.
You don’t know what it’s like to wish that you could’ve done something different.
To carry the guilt around all the time every single day of your life wishing and hoping that you would be able to get a second chance.
That you would be able to fix it. And if you don’t have children and you’re giving advice- Just stop. I SHOULD be talking about how AMAZING my son is! I should be talking about how proud I am to be his mother! Because my son is STILL my son. And I have the right to talk about him. Miss him. Love him. Because death does NOT negate existence. So if you think you’re helping a fellow loss mom or dad of mine... let me caution you. DO NOT SAY: “It’s been _____ (days/months/years) its time to get over it” 🤦🏻♀️ “Stop dwelling over it” 🤦🏻♀️ DWELLING?!? Really? “You have to move on” 🤦🏻♀️ Move on to what, exactly?
“I’m disturbed by your dead child’s photo”
Can I punch you now? “Don’t be so depressed” 🤦🏻♀️ My Child isn’t here anymore. I’m sorry if me being upset is an inconvenience to you and your perfect life. “I miss the old you!” 🤦🏻♀️ Well that person is GONE! THESE ARE NOT HELPFUL! Let’s practice MORE compassion.
Because that’s what we’re called to do. Not just for the DAY OF OUR CHILDS FUNERAL. But the days after. Months after. The 1st. ANGELVERSARY The 2nd ANGELVERSARY The 10th ANGELVERSARY LOVE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY. Show them compassion. Do not push them. Provide them with a caring shoulder. If you love us AT ALL! Don’t step on our toes. We’re in agony. In memory of our kids.