How different my life has become
because of grief.
I often think of how much
I don’t recognize the person in the mirror.
Grief has irrevocably,
unexplainably,
undeniably changed me.
As a person.
Me.
You see I used to be kind and gentle
I used to be outgoing and forgiving.
I used to be quick witted and the jokester
but that’s all gone.
Because I don’t recognize that person.
The person that grief has painted me.
Like grief is the Monet of emotions.
With each brush stroke of tears
and anger. And torturous agony.
It is making me different.
Grief comes in many stages,
it comes in many forms.
I try to embrace this new me.
Whoever she is.
Because it took me so long to establish
the old me that once was.
She is but now a memory.
Gone.
And cheesy but true,
like the wind.
I would give it all for my child back.
For my body back.
For my old life back.
But this grief has come to stay.
And it demands to be felt.
always.
And even if it’s one minute at a time.
I try to remember.
This isn’t me.
This Is the grief That became me.
And overtime I hope she will see.
Theres still beauty there.
Different. Yes.
But beauty still lives there.
Co-existing.
Somewhere.
