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Failing. Forward.

It’s not often that I get to chat about failing. Partly because nobody wants to hear about it, and also because sometimes, I struggle to talk about it.

But here’s the thing..Grief is messy.

It is not a step by step “program”.

& thinking it’s step by step, often gives others the illusion that they’re failing.

Maybe they are.

Maybe this is never something that they thought would happen to them.

Maybe their child’s death was anticipated.

Maybe this isn’t the first time that they’ve been down this road.

Maybe they have multiple children in Heaven.

Whatever the case may be, I’d like to encourage you that you DID NOT fail them as parents.

You did the best that you possibly could.

& you couldn’t change the outcome even if you tried, begged, prayed, as much as you wished, hoped, screamed and cried.

Because we’re carnal. And our flesh is weak.

But— as far as grief is concerned.

The overwhelming, immense pain, never-ending feeling of agony in the pit of your stomach...

Once you get into the grief cycle, your world becomes so messy. I for one can say that I’m not the same person I was before Bo died. That woman is gone.

I’m completely different.

& my grief, from the beginning until now looks messy, unorganized, and a bit chaotic.

“I’m Failing” would often be a phrase I’d commonly use while venting to Wayne.

The fact is, I might’ve been failing.

You might be too.

But there’s no getting off this grief merry-go-round.

It looks different for everyone.

But whether you cried yesterday, last week, or last month- it’s okay!

Your grief is NOT measured by how many tears that you cry.

It’s measured by how much work you put towards healing. Grief is just love.

And it’s okay to fail a little. It’s okay to fail a lot! Days into grief, weeks, months, heck, maybe even years into grief! If you realize you have to start dealing with these emotions differently, there’s no better time to start than today.

Fail forward with me.

Normalize failing.

Grieve hard. Because you love hard.

Grieve so hard that you begin to heal.

This is my prayer for you today.

And I do believe that it’s possible.

Because I serve a God of deliverance.

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